The impact of the father’s presence on the upbringing and building of the child’s personality and psyche:
We must note that raising a mother is different from raising a father. It is wrong for the mother to ask the father to be like her in education. The child learns many things from his father because the nature of the father’s interaction with him is different from that of his mother. The father plays and jokes. And he laughs, talks and struggles with him in a completely different way from the mother, as well as his financial dealings or his way of thinking and making decisions is different.
So sir, make sure that you are a good father and do not fall into these mistakes:
1. Unfairness between brothers:
Where some parents prefer one child over another because of his intelligence, beauty, innate good character, or because he is male, or for other reasons, which makes the child jealous of his brother and express his jealousy by wrong and aggressive behavior towards the spoiled brother, with the aim of revenge against the adults. Our Noble Messenger, may God’s prayers and peace be upon him, warned us against this by saying: “Fear God and do justice to your children.”
2. Constant criticism instead of planting a positive alternative:
You are not good for anything, you are a failure, you are not good at doing anything, my labor is wasted for you, you do not depend on you, it is strange that some parents think that criticism is one of the methods of raising children, unaware of the size of the negative impact that these criticisms have on the psyche of children, to begin with. From the feeling that he is worthless and that he is dependent on society and that his presence or absence does not make a big difference and that any action he can take will not be satisfied no matter how hard he tries, thus killing the love of excellence, determination and confidence in one's own ability to succeed.
3. Extreme violence and strictness:
Where the father gets angry and loses his senses and forgets the patience and waiting for the son to be violent and insulting with the ugliest and harshest words. It may get worse if it is combined with beating, and this is what happens in the case of emotional punishment of the child, causing him to lose a sense of safety and self-confidence. But this cruelty may come in the opposite reaction may become a kind of dullness. It absorbs the cruelty of the emotions of adults, stores it and shows its effects on him in the future through the symptoms of neurosis, which results from an emotional conflict within the child.
4. Your focus on triggering emotional pain:
This is done by notifying the child of guilt whenever he commits undesirable behavior or whenever he has a bad desire. Also, demeaning the child and belittling him and searching for his mistakes, which causes the child to lose his self-confidence, so he is reluctant to do any work for fear of depriving him of the consent and love of adults. He is so afraid that he does not love himself and praises others and is proud of them and their achievements and abilities, but he destroys and despises himself.
5. Remind you of your children's shortcomings and mistakes in front of others:
If you mention the disadvantages of your children in front of people, whether relatives or strangers, the result will be a loss of confidence in you and in himself and also a loss of desire for change. by his father.
6. Comparing him to those of his age:
Parents may think, that comparing his son and the neighbor’s son, for example, or the cousin or the aunt’s son, or even between his older brothers who crossed the adolescence stage without problems, is a way to motivate this teenager to become better. It should be remembered here that the teenager is stubborn and proud of himself and likes to be distinguished from others, and that comparing him to others is an insult to him even if it is true.
7. Fluctuation and inconsistency in the transaction:
In the sense of leniency one day in the application of a law and then ignoring it the next day, which does not confirm the necessity of implementing this law. In most cases, the mother is the constant in determining what is allowed and what is not, while the father is the variable, and this fluctuation and difference between the parents makes the son fall under severe psychological pressure that pushes him into error.
8. Excessive pampering and exaggeration of tolerance:
It is no less dangerous than the previous one because it makes the child unable to form successful social relationships with others or take responsibility in the face of life. He believes that everything is allowed and nothing is forbidden, which makes him disregard the laws and regulations in the future. This does not mean that mercy is not required, but with balance and caution, as our honorable Messenger commanded us when he said: He is not one of us who does not have mercy on our young and knows the rights of our elders.
The importance of the father’s presence in the child’s life and the impact on his upbringing:
The presence of the father in the lives of the children is irreplaceable, and no one, no matter how close he is to them, can replace him. This natural and innate bond is needed by the child as well as by the father, and it must be used to improve its effect on their upbringing and proper upbringing to contribute to building healthy and balanced personalities.
On a personal level:
The child learns the meaning of manhood from his father and learns from him the meaning of strength, confidence, steadfastness and facing challenges. Fathers have a strong influence on their children, even if they have little contact with them. Often, parents find it difficult to deal with the child, especially in his early years when he is young or infant, but dealing is important and easier as the son grows, and sometimes the difficulty of dealing comes back in adolescence when the son has a different opinion and personality, especially if he wants to be different from his father.
The father at home is a symbol of trust, strength and security, and the more honest the father is with his son and role model for him, the greater his influence will be. A child knows things by what he sees and lives with. A girl was asked once, what is the definition of a father?? She replied: “The father is the one who goes out to work every day and sleeps after returning from work, and he gets a headache.” She knew the father according to what she was watching her father, and that is why it is very important for the father to be a good role model for his son.
The father, with his actions and behavior, draws the child's personality and life, and contributes to imprinting memories of the meaning of fatherhood in his mind. Being a father is not a simple thing, but rather a great thing. God Almighty has sworn to fatherhood and prophecy. He said, “A father and what is born.” This indicates the greatness of the father’s responsibility and the greatness of his position in the family.
The distinguished father is always preoccupied with evaluating his son’s behavior, raising him well, befriending him, and treating his problems. As for the neglectful father, he is the one whose job is only to give birth to the child and then live his life and does not bear the responsibility of his son or his upbringing. This is educational fraud and its punishment is great. God will take care of his subjects, and he will die on the day he dies while deceiving his flock, except that God will forbid him Paradise.)
On an emotional level:
The mother has a very important role in the formation of the child’s psyche and emotional health, but the father has a complementary role and is extremely important in stabilizing his psyche. Therefore, no matter how busy the father is about his son, he must find time to communicate with him so that the son feels respect and appreciation and is influenced by his father. He does not forget the moments he spent with his father. For this reason, it is considered the biggest challenge for a father in his family life is to organize his time and manage it well to devote his time to living with his son and befriending him.
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