Siblings' Aggressive Behavior Towards Each Other: 4 Basic Principles For Dealing With Them
Here are the four major principles for dealing with aggressive siblings' behavior toward one another:
Instead of dismissing one of your children's negative feelings about the other, let them be aware of their feelings. Describe how your child feels: “It bothers you that I spend so much time with Layla,” “You feel like she’s just doing it to annoy you.”
Give your children by imagining what they cannot have in reality. "You don't want it here, sometimes you wish it wasn't there", "She'd rather ask you before you borrow your toys."
Help children reduce aggressive feelings through symbolic or creative means. Encourage your children to express their feelings in moments of anger, according to their age: through a doll, a pillow, by drawing or writing what they feel. If they don't want to write or draw... give them examples using this technique in front of them the next time you feel angry, and they'll soon imitate you.
Stop Rough and Violent Behavior: Show them how to express your anger in a safe way. Refrain from attacking the attacker! “Don’t hit, tell your sister that you are angry by using words, not by hitting her with your hands” “You look angry, you can settle scores with your brother without using insults” “Instead of cursing your brother, tell him that this is bothering you, or tell him what you want” .
Think also of giving them a good example: stay away from all kinds of violence or insults towards anyone!
Here are some tips on how to apply these techniques:
Suggest a little sign, a secret code that your child can give you when he feels angry rising... so that you give him a sign in return that you saw him and that you understand him.
If you don't have time to listen to all of your children's "complaints": give each of them a "book of complaints (objections)" where they can write or draw each time they fight. Thus, your children will have less need to turn to you and complain constantly.
Avoid asking questions like, “Would you like it if your brother/sister acted in the same way?” It is of no use, because if he were to answer this question truthfully, he would have to admit that he would not accept it. It's best to use a formula like, "I'm sure you can imagine what it would be like for someone to do the same to you."
This sentence will help him think about it without feeling guilty or blaming himself.
We can’t sum up these tips in one simple sentence… but here’s the life-changing thought: “The more we insist that our children love each other (by forcing them to suppress their negative feelings), the more they hate each other! The more we give them the opportunity to express their hatred, the more they love each other!!!
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