6Behaviors That Make You Poison Your Children's Thoughts Without You Knowing
“The weaker the spiritual level of the educator and the weaker his morals, the greater the number of orders and prohibitions he imposes on the children, not for their own good, but for his own comfort and peace of mind.” - Janusz Korcak -
“It is the child’s example that teaches him to despise all that is weak.” - Janusz Korcak -
Most parents go out of their way to give their children a healthy and happy upbringing, but these same people can make mistakes by accident and these mistakes can lead to future visits to the psychiatrist.
Unfortunately, some parents skip the accidental mistake and fall into the category of toxic parents . Regardless of whether the parents are intentionally toxic or not, there are several behaviors that can cause emotional and mental damage in a child that ends up affecting him even after he grows up.
The child feels “ loved ” by his parents, not because they told him so, but because he does not want to be afraid of their reaction. He feels accepted as he is.
For this to be possible, his parents must be independent, that is, they must be able to understand and feel the emotions and what their children's behavior (fears, anxiety, panic...) generates in them, and to find the origins of these feelings in their own history. This is what toxic parents cannot do.
A child whose parents have genuine autonomy in their feelings
becomes in turn able to develop genuine autonomy: he will have his own beliefs and his own feelings, he will be able to be “true to himself” and he will know himself by making his own decisions about his life, whether his parents approve of them or not. .
On the contrary, toxic parents often “make” permissive and submissive children who are ignorant of their own needs because they think that in this way they are being selfish. But sometimes children of toxic parents rebel against abuse, and their parents unjustly call them “evil.” Children's fear stems from parental toxicity, possessiveness, isolation, and isolation, which in turn causes disrespect and hatred that reinforces parental toxicity and plunges them into a tragic vicious cycle.
If you ever lived through one of the following situations as a child, the possibility that one of your parents may be slightly toxic increases.
Here are 6 signs that you are toxic people without even knowing it:
You fight in front of the kids
Fighting in front of children, i.e. yelling or even hitting is a form of child abuse. It has been proven that this is very harmful to the child on an emotional level. Fights are an integral part of relationships, but they should not take place in front of children.
You are too critical or expressive of disappointment
Children's first task is to learn to know the world into which they were born. They need to learn, discover their interests, discover what they like and are good at. Parents who force their children to do certain types of activities outside of class and “for fun” are doing something toxic.
You stand between them and their goals
Parents tend to project their own hopes, dreams, and ideals onto their children. If a father loves football, he may reject his son's interest in ballet. If the mother has played tennis in the past, she may be opposed if her daughter tries swimming. But you should let your children explore their interests so that they understand what they want in life.
Don't let your children express freely
Children should not be afraid to express what is on their mind, a healthy environment tells them that they are loved and that they can speak freely. Toxic parents prevent their children from expressing themselves.
'Toxic' banter
Joking is an integral part of family life sometimes. Jokes are good, but they become toxic when a parent makes fun of their child if they say or do something.
You make children responsible for your happiness
Parents expect a lot from their children and that makes sense. Parents want the best for their children. They want their children to have the skills necessary to lead a healthy and happy life. But when you start controlling your kids to do certain things to please you, you are doing something very toxic.
Conclusion:
In order, little by little, to become more and more responsible for yourself, and to dare to confront your own faults, you must begin by removing what causes you to give up your peace of mind (or even a part of it) (that is, to admit your poisonous conduct).
It is true that selfishness is causing destruction today, but we are not talking about selfishness itself. Opening up to others is starting to stop the deviant culture that makes us believe that self-reflection and self-preservation are selfish. Selfishness is the will for others to act like you, it is the intolerance of those who do not look beyond their own need.
In Dr. Muriel Salmona's book, The Black Book of Sexual Violence, there is a passage highlighting the culture of many people reluctant to accept the concept of parental toxicity. The meaning of this section is the following:
In fact, a child is often considered the property of his parents and he must respect and obey them no matter what. This is inspired by religious teachings where “a child, at any age, should honor and respect his parents.” Whereas, the parents’ authority should be limited to “liberating the child in order to protect him in terms of safety, health and morals, and to provide him with education and allow him to develop with respect for his person.” Parents make decisions about their child according to his age and level of maturity.”
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